How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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