she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
