who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
