The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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