Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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