Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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