That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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