Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
