I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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