He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
