What a fucking waste of an outfit
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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