Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
