:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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