If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
