The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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