then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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