I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
