Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
