So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
