Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
