You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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