it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
