HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
