I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize