whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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