Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
