I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
