That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
