i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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