When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
