Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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