Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
