He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
