Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I didn't notice because vodka
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
