I need help removing her.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
