and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
