Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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