I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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