she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
