The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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