I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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