Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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