the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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