you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
