i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you still have your period?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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