the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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