Jerry, you need to find god
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize