So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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