I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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