You smell like stripper and shame
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
