Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
