dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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