420 ftw
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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