Dude my mom stole all your condoms
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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