Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize