ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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