Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
