On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
