6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
