I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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