alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
