Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize