I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize