No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
