I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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