I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
