this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
