your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
