I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
