I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
