can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
