piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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