Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
