I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
