dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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