if you like me you must not know who I am
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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