so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wish i was in the wii world.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
