look no pants
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
