Where did you get a picture of my penis
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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