Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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