there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
